MADMINISTER.COM

This entry was originally written around 2000.

I grew up in a pretty average suburban neighborhood. My Dad's a contractor and my Mom's a teacher and between the two of them, they were able to provide for a suburban home in Houston, Texas.
My earliest recollection of "church" was our excursions to the local Catholic church where I would do my best to catch some "Z's" while the guy up front "in the bathrobe" talked in a slow, steady monotone. He was very careful to stay at the exact same pitch and level the entire time he spoke so that he wouldn't disturb my (or any of the other kids') sleep time. I remember the few times that my mother caught me or either of my siblings napping… she would give us a pinch that awoke us with an audible "yelp" if we were too far into dreamland… this would result in an even harder pinch and a dirty look.
From there, I was enrolled in "Religious Education" classes which provided me with pure and utter agony. Never one to stay silent in a boring situation, I did my best to liven up the "classes." My "teachers" were not amused. When hard times hit the family, we were forced to abandon our place in Suburbia and move to a "less affluent" area resulting in one of my lowest points as a teenager.
In the middle school I was in, I was miserable. Picked on and completely out of place, I had a hard time fitting in and hated my 8th grade year. The first year and a half of high school weren't much better. I was so wrapped up in my own lack of self-worth and self-esteem that I ignored those around me and became a sort of hermit. I couldn't be bothered to interact with my peers when I was so wrapped up in my own self-loathing.
I would walk the halls and feel as though I was viewing life in black and white, with mono speaker sound. There was nothing attractive about my life (to me) or my existence and it was at this point that I began considering suicide as an option. In my eyes, if I was not happy here in this life, then why prolong the suffering? Why bother? I began looking at a permanent solution to an extremely temporary situation.
It was at this point that I was invited to a church unlike any place I'd ever been. It was different then other churches I'd been to because the people that were going there actually wanted to go there. This in and of itself warranted investigation, at least in my mind. Then, I met a guy who was serving as a youth minister at that church… his name was Henry. Henry introduced me to the idea and concept of a different life other than the one I had been living.
He would teach and talk to us about Jesus and I actually paid attention to some of what he said (as opposed to the girls that were there) and on January 27th, 1993 I took Jesus Christ as my personal Savior… I "got saved," "born again," "received Christ" whatever terminology you wanna' use. I entered into a personal relationship with a living, breathing, moving active Son of God who loved me more than I could ever fathom or understand.
The acceptance and unconditional love I had been needing and craving came through that relationship. And I noticed that as I walked down the halls of my high school, I was seeing things I had never seen before. I was now viewing life in high definition color TV with stereo, surround sound where it had been black and white, mono.
But, I still was not a Mad Minister. I held on to things in my life… some out of rebellion and others out of ignorance. All I knew was that I had shed my old self and become a new creation… something completely unlike my former self. As Henry taught myself and other teenagers, we learned about who God was and what He wanted of us.
As I moved up in high school, I began to turn my back on church and the God that I had come to know and I chose to follow after my own desires for a period of time. I began to chase after my own dreams of becoming a writer and/or filmmaker (I didn't care so long as I made lots of money) and it was during this time that I stopped going to church completely.
When I was 19, I had flunked out of my first freshman year of college. How and why? Simply because I wouldn't go to class and would spend my time and effort out on weekends wherever I could find a fun time and I was cruising along being a "college guy" without the "college." After the second semester and the fourth "F," my college chose to throw me out for a period of time. And all this time, there had been a still, small voice pleading with me to come back home… to return to the Father who loved me.
And the following December, I heeded the call.
I returned to Henry and asked for his help. I had been asked to begin serving on a Pastoral Council at a church and to teach in their classes and I wanted help from Henry… I needed to be mentored and taught in the Christian life. As I grew, I made choices to follow after Christ even when seemingly better or more glamorous opportunities were presented to me. I served a year on the pastoral council and then, went to Henry again and asked for him to teach me everything he knew about youth ministry.
And it was at that point that I became a Mad Minister. Defying reason and logic and becoming disordered of mind in all matters apart from pursuing Jesus Christ's will for my life, I turned lordship of my life over to His will rather than my own.
Was I perfect from then on? Of course not. I had a whole lot to learn and fortunately, guys like Mark Collins, John Bodine, Spencer Lightsy and others stepped up to help guide me along the way. Did I make mistakes after that? Almost on a daily basis. But never the same mistake twice and each time, I came back with renewed commitment to my relationship with Jesus Christ. God re-ordered my life and re-prioritized everything in it. He turned me from a perpetual screw-up into a capable, strong follower of Christ. I could go on and on about what Christ has done in my life and what He's currently doing… and I will. You'll be able to read it as you explore this website more and more.
Now, God is teaching me more and more on a daily basis and I still have my struggles to be sure, but the bottom line is this… Jesus Christ called each and every one of us not just to become a Christian, but also a Mad Minister.
What "separates the men from the boys" is the answer we give when He calls us.

Addendum (added 02-23-06):

I go back and read this and it reminds me of everything I love about Jesus. In some ways, those who have kept journals through the years can relate to this experience... you write down what Brandon Barnard calls "spiritual markers" throughout the daily part of your faith journey and then, years later, go back and read them and they bring about great times of sweet reflection.

Praise God for His continued, abundant, overwhelming faithfulness to someone as hopelessly clueless as me. May His name be glorified in everything I do.