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Having sat through only one conference of Maxwell's (a short luncheon at that), and having read only his Leadership 101, I was unsure of what to expect from his newest release, Winning with People.
Much like Fakers, Posers & Wannabes (Brennan Manning), I was equal parts dumbfounded and deeply impacted. I don't know exactly yet just how wise a person I consider myself, but through the experience of sitting at the feet of someone gifted enough to succinctly state so many practical principles on relationships I came away feeling like a first-year ministry leader. I guess, like many books of this type, some things were an affirmation to aspects of my life, but many of the pieces of wisdom Maxwell shares from a life of a learning leader hit home for me as areas that required massive amounts of further growth.
I was also deeply grateful for having read this book as early in life as I have, but at the same time, I wished I had read it earlier, such as before having entered into vocational ministry. It would most definitely have saved me some headaches and a few heartaches along the way.
Especially impacting for me was the paraphrase of Charlie "Tremendous" Jones… the difference between who you are today and who you will be in 5 years will be the people you spend time with and the books you read. I think back to where I was 5 years ago. I was still in college, but the people I was surrounding myself with were the cream of the crop in the University of Houston's Baptist Student Ministry. I was uplifted and encouraged by them on a daily basis. We had the late night prayer times and discussions of faith and life that can only be had by sleep-deprived college students at 2:00 AM. The books I read on a regular basis were textbooks and other mind-stretching books recommended by my pastor at the time and those I associated with at the UH BSM. And I see now, that it was all shaping me for where I am now.
The biggest challenge for me out of this book came as Maxwell utilized this quote to flesh out his assertion that friends are one of the five things that determines who we are (the other four being; genetics, self-image, experiences in life, attitude & choices about those experiences) . In large part, that quote was instrumental in challenging me to begin this entire new reading program. If I waste the time I have at my disposal now for self-improvement and growth, I will never forgive myself later. It has also been a challenge for me to expand my relational horizons. I really have no excuse to not be interacting with people outside of the church office on a daily basis. With my unique freedom at both home (being young and single) and office (flexible schedule), I should be immersing myself in the lives of many more people than I do (church members or not, I need to be more relational and less reclusive).
In my interaction, I also have the need to incorporate the Elevator Principle. I really do desire to be a Lifter, as Maxwell calls it. His practical helps towards taking this principle into action are ones I have already begun to try and initiate into my own life. Maxwell states that Lifters do the following:

+ Commit Themselves to Daily Encouragement
+ Know the Little Difference that Separates Helping and Hurting
+ Initiate the Positive in a Negative Environment
+ Understand Life is Not a Dress Rehearsal

I often feel that I can slip into becoming someone who drags others down. If I was truly a courageous person, I would ask some of those around me whether they feel uplifted or dragged down when they see me coming. I guess I just fear the answers they would give me. Above all, I do desire improvement in this area. If I can’t get down and dirty and repair the parts of myself that are broken or lacking, then I guess I don’t have much business meeting needs of others.
I was particularly inspired by the story of Professor Crane and his Compliment Club. In my quest to eradicate "Hatespeech" from the Student Ministry, I have utilized Lovespeech, but the task is far from complete . Utilizing Crane’s experiment of complimenting 3 people per day in the context of a ministry (ie: complimenting or encouraging a different 3 members of the student ministry on a daily basis) could prove highly beneficial. It brought to mind an old practice which I have fallen away from… the practice of writing little notes of encouragement and mailing them out to varied students during the course of a week. It also highlighted for me the importance of getting out there, getting into homes, schools and workplaces to interact with people in a positive manner that will encourage and uplift them.
As Maxwell moves into talking about the Trust Question, I begin to get squeamish. You see, I have something of a trust issue. In the past, both distant and recent, I have had those very close to me violate my trust and hurt me. Now, that wouldn’t be a huge problem, but when you combine that with insecurity and one of the most active imaginations since George Lucas (of Star Wars fame)… well, you can see that sometimes I can have a hard time really trusting folks. I mean, I can care about people and be compassionate towards them… but really, really trusting others is something I feel I need to work on. Conversely, I also feel that being worthy of others’ trust is a big struggle for me. This is something I genuinely desire to change and improve about myself… that I would be able to trust others enough to speak plainly and honestly with them about myself, my thoughts and motivations. I guess that would be genuine transparency?
However, as Maxwell goes on to write about The Approachability Principle, I am deeply challenged. I don’t know that I am the type of approachable person I need to be in order to effectively minister to students. By saying that, I mean, Maxwell gives the sub-heading for this chapter as being “Being at ease with ourselves helps others be at ease with us.” How at ease am I with myself? Before, I stated that I am an insecure person. Not as insecure as I used to be, assuredly, but vestiges of the old self do still remain. I am surely impacted by the seven characteristics that put people at ease:
1. Personal warmth (genuinely liking people)
2. Appreciation for the Differences in People
3. Consistency of Mood (Do people walk in asking "How is he today?")
4. Sensitivity towards People’s Feelings
5. Understanding of Human Weakness and Exposure of Their Own
6. Ability to Forgive Easily and Quickly Ask for Forgiveness
7. Authenticity (I am the way I am; I look the way I look; I am my age)

These are always the hardest kinds of thing to address personally because I always tend to have a hard time seeing which negative qualities I possess and which ones I don’t. I believe I have a personal warmth… sometimes. When I am literally not at ease with myself in a given situation or setting, I become so embroiled in my own insecurity that I do not exude the warmth that I believe I genuinely feel towards others. Additionally, I also believe that I have an appreciation for the differences in people. I think that difference is good, however, I do tend to have some personality disagreements with people who share different sensibilities and tendencies, however, like most, I probably have more friction with those who share my own worst faults than those who are radically different, though sometimes that isn’t the case.
However, as I move to the 3rd characteristic, I am deeply convicted. I don’t know how consistent my moods are on any given Sunday or Wednesday. And I know that my mood sets the trend for the night, but there are those times when it is so difficult to smile or have fun with them… not because I don’t love them or care about them, but because things just go wrong. Plain and simple. And I have found that sometimes the smallest things can deflate me and sour my mood before we’ve even gotten started for the event. I don’t want it to be that way, but sometimes, the stress of fighting with a projector or screen resolution or a recalcitrant, reclusive student just gets to me. As an aside, none of this is being stated as any type of excuse, but simply as a statement of fact to inform as to why sometimes there is not consistency of mood. It has been encouraging, though, to note that even for those whom everything seems to “go right,” there are still going to be off nights and off events.
As for the 4th characteristic, I am generally sensitive towards others’ feelings. I can be abrasive sometimes, but nothing that I feel is too much for that particular student to handle. The 5th and 6th characteristics, respectively, are both things that I feel I am moderately blessed at. I usually try and place myself in the other person’s shoes and see things as they are seeing them. I sometimes fail, but I am aware of this now, so it makes it easier to watch out for not doing this. As far as forgiveness goes, I am generally pretty forgiving… there’s been at least one instance of me having a difficult time forgiving somebody in recent times, but the harder thing for me has been to quickly ask forgiveness. I have been trying to be more intentional and lay down my pride in order to quickly seek forgiveness if I have done something to hurt or offend someone, but there are those times when it is just plain difficult to do so. God forgive me for the times I don’t swiftly seek forgiveness.
The 7th characteristic is something I give great lip service to, but I am, quite honestly, horrible at backing up with my lifestyle. Authenticity – I am the way I am; I look the way I look; I am my age – is something I consistently wish I could become stronger at. That quality of being at ease with who I am so that others are at ease with me. I feel I am learning and growing in this area, but I wish I were even more solid in this way. The story Maxwell gives is that Barbara Walters looks in her mirror every morning and says those words… “I am the way I am; I look the way I look; I am my age.” I have been praying through the ability to accept that I am who God made me and I look the way I look (and God loves me anyway) and that I am my age (and not younger or older). I have found that this does bring a level of security and ease to the insecure part of me… the people pleasing part.
Reading this book has been an eye opening experience for me, to say the least. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading it and I feel I have gleaned an enormous amount from this first, almost cursory reading of it. It has literally felt like trying to drink out of a fire hydrant. There are some solid, life-changing principles that I feel God has used to continue and begin anew in developing my people and relational skills.