Yesterday's SYATP was truly a blessing. I was encouraged by these students... however, I am still trying to understand the ways of God. At least on a personal level. I have no clue what the future holds...
Originally posted 9.16.04
Yesterday's SYATP was truly a blessing. I was encouraged by these students... however, I am still trying to understand the ways of God. At least on a personal level. I have no clue what the future holds... I really have to confess that. I mean, I know I am where I'm supposed to be, but there's a lot more to the equation. There's certain things that I desire that have yet to present themselves. I am dissatisfied and in some ways, disillusioned, because the answers have not yet become apparent at a pace at which I am prepared to accept.
I want God to work and to be a HUGE presence in the lives of these students, but there are time when I am tempted to become overwhelmed by the negatives in student ministry and become apathetic. I guess that isn't something that God wants to hear, but I still tell Him because I usually feel better after venting my frustrations and my lapses in His throne room. When you add those to personal frustrations, it can sometimes be a bothersome mixture.
Also, on top of it all, I missed what I'm sure was an amazing Jeremy Camp concert tonight to try and host a discipleship group for a group of guys who didn't show. I should have just blown this off and gone to the concert. Instead, I sat at home waiting and stared at the pizza I ordered to feed 'em with "The Green Mile" playing in the background. LOL.
Of late, I have updated my personal worship mix and a song which has made the cut and leads me into some of the deepest times of personal worship is "You Love is Extravagant" as performed by Casting Crowns. I guess in a lot of ways, I often forget just how deep and abiding the love of my Lord is. That the depth and breadth of His love... the amount that is, would be considered extravagant in the amounts in which it is heaped upon me. His love can wash away anything and everything that I sometimes feel makes me unloveable, even by Him. My doubts and fears of His promises... or more accurately, the fear I have that He will somehow "forget" about me when it comes to doling out blessings. I wonder, is this a common fear?
Anyways, I encourage those of you who read this to be in prayer for the following things: the Houston City-Reaching Summit (noon Friday through noon Saturday); Clark's football game; Jonathan's football game; Chaz and Alex's wedding (where I'll probably be); the cast and crew of "Indiana Jane and the Raiders of Heaven" (an original Daystar TV narrative short which I'll be helping with next week) and myself. I cannot express how deeply I covet your prayers right now.